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Gone, but not Forgotten

3/16/2015

 
My heart is heavy and still learning how to pick itself back up, how to put back together all of the pieces, after this past week. But one piece will always be damaged. I suppose that is what happens when you lose a father.

My father passed away Tuesday afternoon after his battle with cancer and other medical complications. 

Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
I had been keeping you all updated on his battle and appreciated every bit of your words of hope for his fight. He really did fight until the very end. Never a man to give up or let anyone or anything stand in his way if he really wanted it, this did not surprise me. 

When he and my mother went in to the first appointment with his cancer doctor after he successfully made it through his first round of intensive chemo-radiation treatments and the doctor told him the cancer was not going away...but spreading...my mother told me the first words out of my father's mouth were "Well, what do you we do next? My daughter just got engaged and I have to be here for her wedding." 

Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
I cannot put into words what it felt like to see him go through the hell that he did while still fighting to hang on and make it through to be here to walk me down the aisle. I have cried and cried and then just when I think it's over, cried even more. My mother and I both have been absolute basket cases over the past couple of weeks. I don't know what I would do without my mother here for support, but to also give support to. When I am weak, she is my strength. And when she is weak, I am her strength. 

I know there are others out there who may have lost a loved one they were very close to, so I thought  I might put together some advice on how to begin to conquer what may seem to be an insurmountable mountain of pain and grief.

5 Tips on How to Cope with Grief

1. Lean on other loved ones--friends and family--for support. If they offer it, consider taking it. As much as I'd love to claim my so-called status of being a strong-willed, determined, stubborn Taurus woman there is no way I could have stood on my own with the loss of my father without them.

My mother, Wade, and all of the dear friends who have offered a listening ear, words of support and encouragement, or even some homemade baked goodies--all of them are appreciated.  
Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
2. Take time to cry. And then cry some more. Even if it happens to be in the waiting room of a dentist office or walking down the grocery store aisle and you happen to stumble upon a favorite snack of your father that you used to get onto him about eating too much of because you cared about his health. 

Just make sure you take the time to cry. The crying has to get out of the way to make room for the smiles you will be hoping for while recalling fond memories of yourself with your loved one.
Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
3. Continue to take care of yourself. Even when it seems like the idea of eating is pointless when all you want to do is crawl up into a ball and sleep for 2 days straight. 

These past few days, my mother and I both have made a point to continue to eat regularly, get as much rest as we can, and I've even been continuing my regular routine of exercises each day. The exercise videos and strength training workouts as well as the walks outdoors have aided in stress relief.
Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
4. Give to others. Especially those who have helped you in your greatest time of need. Research has shown that giving, in some form or another, can lift one's spirits. 

I suggested that my mother and I spend a good day baking up some homemade breads and cookies to give to those who have offered their helping hands in assorted ways with the passing of my father. 
Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
5. Keep your loved one alive. You could do this by telling their stories to others, taking on one of their hobbies, having a donation made to a charity in their name, etc. 

One example of how my mother and I are doing this is by having family and friends send donations to a local animal shelter in my dad's honor in lieu of flowers. Flowers die, but that money that is donated may help save an animal's life. 

Another example is my mother and I are going to make a point to fish together more often. My dad would have been so proud we continue to fish because of what he taught us.
Gone but not Forgotten; 5 ways to deal with grief--Enticing Healthy Eating
Though my life will never be the same without seeing my dad whenever I need to, without gazing fondly at the mess of freshly caught fish he would bring home, without hearing his laugh (even if it was at those stupid TV shows that drove my mother and I nuts), without having him here with me in this world as my constant rock...I know he will never be forgotten. 

And I plan on living my life to the fullest with him fondly in my memories and forever in my heart.

I love, Dad. Always. 
--Your Daughter
--Your Kaylin Ray

Linking up with Amanda for her Inspire me Monday
Stacie @ SimplySouthernStacie link
3/15/2015 09:17:57 pm

I am so sorry for your loss, sweetie! I think as a girl anytime I hear of someone losing their dad it just cuts me that much deeper. What a special bond you shared with your dad! I'm sure he is so proud of you and how you are keeping his memory with you. Hugs and prayers your way!

Kaylin
3/16/2015 12:10:06 pm

Thank you for your kind words, Stacie and especially your hugs and prayers. They are well received! I hope to continue to make him and my mother both very proud.

Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness link
3/16/2015 02:21:00 am

Kaylin, this is so beautiful! I am sure your Dad will be looking at you from heaven while you walk down the aisle proud, happy and making sure it is a beautiful wedding! I am sending you lots of love to you and your mom! <3

Kaylin
3/16/2015 12:11:51 pm

Thank you so much, Elsie! He will certainly be looking down on Wade and I for our wedding day. I will miss the traditional father/daughter dance I had hoped to share with him, but I'll be thinking of the laughs he probably would have provided on our special day. And it will make me smile. :)

Liv @ Healthy Liv link
3/16/2015 02:43:51 am

I started to cry just reading this! I know you love your dad so much and I'm so sorry for your loss. You're doing such a great job of honoring him and his life.

Kaylin
3/16/2015 12:13:16 pm

I didn't know I would make others cry as well, but I suppose I put all of my heart into this post as I intended. I did love my dad, even though we often times got into disagreements because we were both so stubborn (gee, I wonder where I got it from?...), we loved each other through and through 'till the end. Thank you for your kind words, Liv.

Lauren @ i had a big lunch link
3/16/2015 05:58:46 am

This brought me to tears. I'm so, so, so sorry for your loss. My dad is my favorite person in the world and the thought of losing him is unimaginable. I love that you outline the importance of crying wherever and as much as you need to. That's so important. There really aren't any other words to comfort you, I don't think. Just know that I'm thinking of you and hope you're doing better day by day.

Kaylin
3/16/2015 12:14:52 pm

I'm sorry to make you cry, Lauren, I promise I did not intend to make others cry. But my emotions must have truly leaked into my writing of this post. I cook with my heart AND I write with my heart. I can tell you are close to you father as well and I just wish you two the greatest memories and times spent together for many years to come! I'm sure your father is very proud of you. :) Your kind words are enough, thank you so much for your support Lauren. Sending love.

Farrah link
3/16/2015 11:20:14 am

I'm not one to cry often, but your post seriously made me tear up. I'm so, so sorry for your loss, Kaylin. :[ Your dad will be there when you walk down the aisle on your wedding day, even if you can't see him physically there! <3 I love that you and your family gave back to others even in your time of grief--you have such big hearts! Still sending lots of love, hugs and good thoughts your way! <3

Kaylin
3/16/2015 12:16:33 pm

I suppose I cook with my heart AND write with my heart to be making others cry so often while reading this post. It felt good to get out my thoughts into this tribute to my dad. Thank you for always being such a kind and wonderful friend. I know my dad will be there looking down on Wade and I both on our wedding day, probably cracking up and making jokes like he would have been had he been able to attend! :) Sending lots of love to you as well, friend!

Ashley Schoggin
3/16/2015 11:26:31 am

Kaylin you wrote such a lovely tribute to your father. I know he is up there smiling and laughing at all the times you got onto him for snacking on certain things!

Kaylin
3/16/2015 12:17:56 pm

Thank you so much, Ashley. I tried. And, like I told you earlier, it felt so great to write out my emotions. It really has become a therapy to me to just write when I get the urge or need to get something off of my mind. Oh he certainly is! And he will be smiling and laughing and cracking jokes on Wade and I's wedding day, looking down on all of us, I'm sure. Big hug to you, best buddy!

Kristy @ Southern In-Law link
3/16/2015 05:14:12 pm

Sending you a HUGE, incredibly big hug, sweet girl. I can't imagine how much your heart is aching right now but this is the sweetest tribute.

Keeping you and your family in my prayers! <3 xx

Kaylin
3/18/2015 11:17:48 am

Thank you, Kristy, sending a HUGE hug back! Much appreciated.

christina orso link
3/17/2015 12:46:16 pm

I'm so so sorry for your loss. You are such a strong, beautiful woman. This post, though very sad, is beautiful. Your father is now your angel watching over you. Don't forget that! XO

Kaylin
3/18/2015 11:18:42 am

Thank you, Christina. The private email you sent me before was particularly special to me and I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to do that. He is indeed watching over my mother and I both, probably searching for the best fishing holes. :)

Shannon link
3/18/2015 07:34:24 am

Kaylin,

It says so much about you that even at a time of awful sadness you are reaching out to others. This is a great list and I know it will be helpful to others who are grieving.

Thinking of you ....

Kaylin
3/22/2015 11:07:46 am

Thank you for being the person you are, Shannon. From the moment I met you in person, I knew you were an amazing woman and are especially an amazing mother to your daughter. Thank you for the kind words.

Gina link
3/18/2015 08:05:18 am

I'm sorry for your loss, Kaylin. I've been thinking of you these last couple of weeks.

Kaylin
3/22/2015 11:08:18 am

Thank you, Gina. Much appreciated.

The Gifted Gabber link
3/18/2015 12:01:20 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. It looks like you were blessed with a very special dad. Your tribute here is beautiful.

Kaylin
3/22/2015 11:08:50 am

Thank you, Gifted Gabber. He was truly an amazing man.

GiGi Eats link
3/19/2015 05:58:07 am

OH GIRL! My heart aches for you beyond belief!!!! But you know he was struggling and he is now in a better place. You also know he will always love you just like you like him!!! Continue to think about the fond memories you have with him. I hope you were able to tell him absolutely everything you could before his passing.

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:01:01 am

Thank you for your kind words, Gigi. I know he will always love me and think of me just as often as I think of him! Unfortunately he passed very unexpectedly for my mother and I, so we did not exactly get to say goodbye.

Tammie@chaostochrist link
3/22/2015 06:39:54 am

I'm so sorry for the grief you must feel. Will say a prayer for you and your family.

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:02:07 am

Thank you for the prayer, Tammie.

Emily @ Zen & Spice link
3/23/2015 12:29:50 am

Oh wow, I am SO sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the grief you must be experiencing. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts!

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:02:54 am

Thank you, Emily, it has been getting a little easier each day. He will always be missed and thought of fondly! Thank you for the kind words.

Ivanna link
3/23/2015 02:23:51 am

I am so sorry for your loss. These are good tips for coping. I think in this situation only time can heal. In my prayers.

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:03:28 am

Thank you, Ivanna. I'm glad you found the tips helpful.

Anita link
3/23/2015 10:51:51 am

I love the photos you have posted to honor your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have some very good ideas to help you and your mom with the healing process. I remember the pain of losing my own dad, and after 20 years still miss him and wish I could ask his advice.

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:04:33 am

Thank you, Anita. I loved looking over the photos of him while picking some out for this blog post and for a slideshow we showed at the service for his memorial.

Bridget_The Recipe Wench link
3/24/2015 12:51:35 am

I love this. A very sweet post. I lost my mom to cancer in 2005. Your post brought back the memories. The tears (at least for me) lasted for years -- of course they were less frequent as time passed. Your dad will be with you always. He is a part of you -- you will hear his words in your head. You will catch yourself saying things that remind you of him. Definitely tell the "Dad Stories." All the things that drove me crazy about my mom when she was alive, are the things that give me so much joy now as I remember how she used to drive me nuts! Take care and thank you for sharing at Inspire Me Mondays Link-Up!

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:06:17 am

Thank you so much, Bridget. I feel for you and your family for the loss of your mother. I do know my father is and will always be with me in my heart and in spirit. Everything you said is very true!

brynn link
3/24/2015 01:39:49 am

What a beautiful post. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kaylin
3/25/2015 10:06:37 am

Thank you so much, Brynn.

Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets link
3/28/2015 02:53:09 am

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, although it's lovely to see your father through your eyes. He seems like a wonderful guy.

Sending hugs and prayers.


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    enticing healthy Eating

    Happiness is Homemade

    Hi there!  I'm Kaylin, a foodie, health nut, and recent college graduate. Born and raised in Arkansas, recently moved to Texas. On this blog you'll find a lot of tasty food and recipe ideas, healthy lifestyle suggestions, and random musings of my trials and tribulations of a 20-something. 
    I hope to inspire you to create some delicious things in your own kitchen because I believe happiness is homemade. 

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