Some soul-searching has been occurring over the past few months and the searching hasn't quite lead to what I feel like it's leading me to be found. Not yet. But life is more about the journey than the destination, yes? Or so they say.
I do not have a personal journal I keep at my home to write out my stream of thoughts or insights in, but I do have this little space online.
Bare with me, this will be a long one.
Now, don't get me wrong, this weekend was FANTASTIC with a capital "F", all caps, and bolded. It began on Friday with Wade visiting my home here in Northwest Arkansas for the weekend. If you're a new reader, Wade and I are in a long-distance relationship with him living about 3 hours away, closer to central Arkansas. We are celebrating our 4 year dating anniversary next month. Woot!
It started with a date night dinner at one of my local favorite restaurants, Tusk and Trotter. Wade ordered their Friday special of Fish and Chips while I decided to try the charcuterie board with a side seasonal berry salad.
The charcuterie board did not disappoint with chef's selection of meats, cheeses, fruits, vegetables, olives, fruit compote, and dijon mustard with fried capers. My first time ordering a charcuterie board and it will not be my last.
The movie was alright, but not one of my favorite of the X-Men movies. Half the time, I think I just watch the X-Men movie series for this sexy beast.
These are our Sunday morning happy faces.
What followed was a tour through the exhibit lead by one of the very curators who went on this grand adventure all over the country and even different parts of the world to collect these art pieces, Chad Alligood.
The tour was fabulous, but I have to admit I think I enjoyed the times spent visiting with my fellow Arkansas bloggers even more. They're always the sweetest, funniest, and most insightful group of people to be around and I hope to join up with more events in the future.
When Wade visits it is always a bittersweet time. I always enjoy every chance I get to be around him since I don't get to enjoy his company every day. Having been together for almost 4 years now, it's hard being apart from the person who completes you, who lights up your heart, your best friend.
I am very happy for him and proud of him! But the second I found out he'd be accepting a job away from Northwest Arkansas, my heart sank. Central Arkansas is a whole different world from Northwest Arkansas and the jobs and opportunities aregrowing faster here in this part of the state than down there.
My environment has always had a great effect on my happiness. I feel more tied to my location, the memories it holds, and the vibe I feel coming from it than I believe most people do.
Could I ever imagine myself living in Central Arkansas? No. I know I could not. Yes, some of you may be thinking that I am just being stubborn or should give the area a chance....but if there's one thing I know, it's my instinct and gut feelings never steer me wrong.
I'm still job-searching for my own "big girl" job (that's a story entirely on it's own...for anyone else who has had a rough time finding their first career out of college, I feel for ya because I've been there for months now--I've had a few leads and hope to remedy this situation soon to finally get into a career field I can grow, learn, and enjoy waking up for each day).
There are days I wish I could enlighten him and make him see this region through the same lens that I see it. Northwest Arkansas is one of the fastest growing areas in the entire United States for job growth, and yet it still retains it's smaller hometown quaintness and quirks.
I'm amazed at the number of new events and opportunities that are brought into this area every year. I've got a lot of hometown pride, no doubt.
This is why Wade's visits are always bittersweet. I could try and give myself a pep talk and look on the bright side--after all, I am also a firm believer in this little gem:
My soul is is being torn apart every time this situation is brought up. How does one choose between where their soul feels most at-home and "right" in the world and being with their soulmate?....
Have we discussed getting married? Yes. It's not a question of IF, but WHEN that will happen.
Have we talked about spending the rest of our lives together? Yes, a million times.
Would I take a bullet for Wade? Absolutely. No question.
Would I equally trust him with my life? Yes, no doubt.
For any of you who have found your one and only, you know you'd do anything in the world for them. Then why is this particular thing so hard for me to give up? Why is my home, here in Northwest Arkansas, so hard to sacrifice for the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?
Never in a million years did I see myself having to make this decision. Never in a million years did I imagine I would end up falling in love with someone who didn't fall in love with this particular area--my home, my original love--unlike everyone else that moves here or has the chance to visit. And I would never wish having to make this decision on anyone else.
For something that may seem trivial in other's eyes--this is what has been troubling me and weighing most heavily on my mind for months now. I think about it every day and wish it would just go away, but I know it will not.
In the end, can their really be a happy ending for my heart in this story?
Have you had to move somewhere new and you had no desire at all to move there?