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Cancer Sucks: How to Deal when a Relative is Diagnosed with Cancer

12/8/2014

 
I wasn't sure if I was going to write this post or not. But if there's one thing I've discovered about my blogging this year it's that writing has become a sort of therapy for me at times. Talking and chatting to you all, whether that be in the form of sharing a healthy recipe idea or recapping recent events is not only fun but rewarding.

I am not asking for pity, I am writing this both for my own "therapy" of sorts and also because I hope it might help others.

I guess I'll get straight to the point and explain the title of this post.

My father has been diagnosed with cancer.

He has cancer in his esophagus which has spread to his lymph nodes.

While sitting in the small, cold room I remember his doctor saying "It's Stage 3."

His parents both died of cancer at younger ages (his father at 53, his mother at 65). I never even had the chance to meet my grandfather.

Esophageal cancer doesn't exactly have the highest rates of success for recovery.

Could the odds be any more stacked against him?

This is a very recent development, as he was only diagnosed 3 weeks ago. The initial surgery to insert the chemo pump into his chesty cavity as well as a J-tube feeding tube into his stomach to assist him in eating he will *most likely* be needing later on in his treatments was done this past weekend. He has chemo-radiation treatments already scheduled and they should begin in a couple weeks at the latest.

I do not want to go into all the details behind this moment, this experience, this anxiety that has overridden much of mine and my mother's life at this time but one thing I did want to do?...Reflect on the positive. 

Regardless of how terrible his situation may seem, I am determined to remain positive and hopeful because if you don't have hope....what is there left?  


Without hope, where would the world be?

With that being said, I wanted to make a short list of all of the POSITIVE things that have come out of this cancer diagnosis. While I would never wish this situation on anyone else, perhaps you have a relative that is dealing with cancer or another medical crisis and these positive reflections may help you too. 

And, remember, I am not in ANY way trying to make this a condescending or hurtful post to any of those out there who may be suffering from an equally devastating sickness or has a relative who is suffering through a similar one. I am only trying to bring a bit of light to an otherwise dark time in mine and my family's life. 
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My father is finally REALLY listening to my nutrition advice

Both of my parents have certainly looked to me more often for food and nutrition advice (or maybe they just like me to cook for them?....) ever since I earned my Bachelor's degree this past year in Food and Human Nutrition. That, and I basically thrive on all things food and nutrition (seriously...obsessed!).

My father, with his recent medical diagnosis, is actually starting to really listen to my advice and make the point to try the tips I have given him to help his body decrease inflammation and take in as many good-for-you nutrients as he possibly can. Especially since he is currently on a pureed food or very soft food diet due to having a difficult time swallowing anything with his esophagus.

I have to admit, it's nice to seem like I'm helping him in that way and using my degree and knowledge to contribute to his overall health!
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Father-daughter time has become even more precious and we appreciate each other more

Without digging up all the dirt on our history, my father and I haven't exactly had the greatest relationship, particularly in these past 3-4 years. There have been many fights, including screaming ones. And going days without talking to each other.  

With that being said, I would do anything for that man. He is and always will be my father. My dad who took me on countless hunting trips with him, who taught me how to fish, who taught me how to drive. I love him. A lot. And now we definitely make a point to be nicer to each other. Even the "I love you's" have become more frequent.
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Our food shopping bill has gone down considerably

Because my father has only been able to eat pureed or very soft foods for at least a month and a half now, we are noticeably having to buy less food because his diet is limited. At least we are saving money in some way.

Thank goodness for good medical crisis coverage on our insurance!

Money does not grow on trees around here. When my mother found out that her insurance, which also covers my father, would assist us with a large and decent amount of money to help cover medical bills we were thrilled. I remember that look on her face of relief. It was nice.
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My father has become considerably easy to shop for Christmas this year.

He needs comfy clothing since he will be sitting often and recovering from treatments and some good books to read in his downtime. That's easy!
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My Christmas list is the shortest it has ever been this year.

I can only think of two things to put on my Christmas wish list this year:
1. My father to successfully defeat this cancer
2. An engagement ring.

That's it! 

The love and outreach we have received from the few people we have told has been felt, heard, and greatly appreciated.

My mother and I chose to not tell many other people about his diagnosis right away because we both didn't want lots of questions and lots of pity. I have told a few close friends, Wade, Wade's parents, and my mother has told a few of her close friends. Their love has definitely been felt and I have broken down in tears a few times with the sweet messages from my friends. Thank you.

Yes, this is a dark time. But we will NOT back down, there WILL be positivity, love, and hope ONLY from now on through these future endeavors. 


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Linking up with Katie today for Marvelous Monday, Amanda for Thinking Out Loud, and Heather for Friday Favorites

Jessie link
12/7/2014 10:34:46 pm

I am so sorry to hear of this news. Please let your father & remainder of your family know y'all are in my prayers. My childhood best friends Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer a little while back. If you've though your father was strong before, I promise you he'll become even stronger in your eyes <3

Kaylin
12/9/2014 07:42:37 am

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers, Jessie. We are trying to stay very strong for him. It's difficult, but we will keep our head's up.

Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness link
12/8/2014 12:15:23 am

I am so sad to hear this news but I can see you are approaching it with a positive and strong mind like the strong woman you are! I have experienced cancer myself and even though it wasn't the same as your dad's it was a challenging time in my life that completely changed my mindset. It is hard, I know, but you just need to keep moving forward. To this day I am still scared and humbled by it but I couldn't be more thankful for all the support I got from family and friends. Love can cure anything.... Know that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to. :)

Kaylin
12/9/2014 07:43:40 am

Thank you for your support, Elsie. I'm so glad you had a successful battle with cancer! This gives me hope, too! And thank you so much for reaching out if I need someone to speak with. Big hug!

Lauren @ The Bikini Experiment link
12/8/2014 03:07:28 am

I am so sorry about your dad. Cancer is a battle, and I think it is amazing you are staying so positive. My mom had breast cancer when I was in college (she is fine now) but it was such a hard time for all of us. Stay strong. Thoughts are with you.

Kaylin
12/9/2014 07:44:22 am

I hope your mom is doing well, Lauren. And thank you so much for your support. Send good vibes and thoughts our way!

Danielle link
12/9/2014 09:21:38 am

So sorry to hear this news, Kaylin. I think having a positive attitude is the best thing and I'm sure your dad appreciates it as well! My thoughts are with you and your family <3

Kaylin
12/9/2014 11:23:32 pm

Thank you, Danielle. Much appreciated. :)

Gina link
12/9/2014 11:43:39 am

Hugs! Keep those positive thoughts going!

Kaylin
12/9/2014 11:23:56 pm

Many thanks, Gina, and a big hug right back!

Debbie link
12/9/2014 10:31:22 pm

So sorry for his diagnosis, but we will look forward to his full recovery. You are a blessing to him and to your mother, I am sure. Thanks for sharing this difficult post; let us know how we can help you. Someone you might contact is Keisha Pittman (Big Pitt Stop); she was diagnosed with cancer while still in college. She has an amazing story to tell.

Kaylin
12/11/2014 03:55:24 am

Thank you for your kind words, Debbie. I appreciate you stopping by to share your support and thoughts. I might reach out to Keisha, thank you!

Heidi link
12/9/2014 10:34:44 pm

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I'm glad you can strive to look at the bright side of things during this time of crisis. I hope for peace and future healthiness for your family!

Kaylin
12/11/2014 03:56:16 am

Thank you, Heidi! That was my goal anyways. And many thanks for your good thoughts!

Jeanetta link
12/9/2014 11:04:16 pm

This will be the third Christmas without my dad. He died of melanoma. I spent a lot of time and still continue being the strong one that had to handle everything. Please message me if you ever need to vent or just have questions.

Kaylin
12/11/2014 03:57:35 am

I'm so sorry to hear about your father, I know how hard it must have been. You ARE strong, WE are strong women, and I'm glad you stopped by to give your thoughts and reach out. Thank you so much.

Jennifer link
12/10/2014 12:12:31 pm

I'm sorry your family is having to go through this. I have lost a few family members to cancer, and it's terrible.

Kaylin
12/11/2014 03:58:13 am

Thank you for stopping by, Jennifer. :)

lori
12/10/2014 10:17:59 pm

Kaylin, I'm so sorry about your fathers diagnosis. My father has been lucky and blessed and is currently in remission again. I don't know how your feeling but I can definitely relate. If you ever need to talk you can message me and we can meet up if that is something you would like to do sometime.

Kaylin
12/13/2014 07:27:55 am

Thank you for your kind words, Lori. Good to hear from you by the way! Hope you're doing well! And that's good news about your father because it gives me more hope as well. :)

Steph link
12/11/2014 11:51:58 am

I think it's absolutely awesome how you focus on all the little positives from all of this that most people would never think of! This post was so uplifting and beautifully written. I totally agree with you that blogging can be therapeutic- I always feel better after getting something off my chest! :)
Again, wonderful post.
Steph

Kaylin
12/13/2014 07:28:50 am

Aww, thank you, Steph! I'm just glad my point came across how I wanted it to. :)

Lauren @ i had a big lunch link
12/11/2014 01:06:20 pm

Oh Kaylin - I'm so, so sorry. I had no idea this was a recent diagnosis. My heart aches for you. I love your attitude but I know it still is one of the hardest things to respond to with hope. I hope you feel a giant blogger hug with all these responses! Please know I'm thinking of you and praying for your dad!

Kaylin
12/13/2014 07:29:52 am

Thanks for the giant blogger hug, from you and from so many of the other supportive readers and friends, like you've said! They have made a world of difference. Thank you for keeping us and my father in your prayers. :)

Farrah link
12/12/2014 09:47:38 am

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that. :[ I'm glad insurance is covering a good chunk of it--one less thing to worry about is definitely nice! My mom had cancer when I was in high school, and it was definitely a really hard time--I really think being optimistic about it helped a lot, and it brought our family a lot closer together as well. Major props to you for approaching it in a positive way, and sending lots of hugs and good thoughts to you and your family! <3

Kaylin
12/14/2014 07:21:42 am

Yes, the news about the insurance was fantastic! I'm sure you can understand that coming from a medical field of study. :) I'm glad your mother had a success story to tell and it brought you closer together as a family. Loving the hugs and giving you a giant hug right back Farrah. Thank you!

Cat link
12/12/2014 04:42:59 pm

I'm so sorry to read this - of course, my thoughts are with you and your family. I also just want to thank you for sharing your experience and actually turning it into a positive piece of advise for someone who might be going through the same thing.

Kaylin
12/14/2014 07:22:23 am

I'm glad you enjoyed the article and it inspired you in some way, Cat. Thank you so much for the kind words and support. :)

Ashley @ A Lady Goes West link
12/13/2014 12:06:21 am

Oh Kaylin, Wow. Thank you for opening up and writing this post. This is such a difficult time for you and your family, and it looks like you are doing the best you can to find the positive. I'm sending good thoughts your way. Be strong. I hope you get your Christmas wishes!

Kaylin
12/14/2014 11:08:45 pm

Thank you so much for the support, Ashley. I hope you have a very Happy Holidays! It's the best time to make wishes, this time of the year!

Erin @ The Grass Skirt link
12/13/2014 03:46:58 am

I am so so so sorry to hear this news. I can only imagine how you must feel, but I am so happy to hear that your dad is listening to your advice and that you are enjoying your time together. Your whole family is in my thoughts. Hugs. <3

Kaylin
12/15/2014 10:33:49 pm

Thank you so much for keeping us in your thoughts, Erin. Hugs back!

Laurie link
12/14/2014 12:58:13 am

Kaylin, I am so sorry to read of your dad's diagnosis. Cancer is a bitch, and a bastard, and I hate it with a burning passion of a thousand suns. My mom died five years ago after an 11 month battle with a brain tumor that hit out of nowhere (you can read some posts about it on my blog under the 11 Months tab).

If you EVER need ANYTHING - rides to somewhere, a meal, help cleaning your mom's house - ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to ask. You and your mom need to remember to take care of yourselves as well, and ask for support when your tank is low.

I'm sure your mom has talked to them, but Hope Cancer Resources is a great source of support for families going through a cancer treatment journey. They can offer you information and even some social workers to talk to if you need a safe place to go be angry and frustrated. Or, I'll just meet you for lunch! :)

Congrats on the new job! I worked on campus for 7 years and loved it - looking forward to hearing more! BIG HUGS, GIRL!!!

Kaylin
12/15/2014 10:37:19 pm

Oh, goodness, Laurie you absolutely cracked me up with this comment! I needed that! And I couldn't agree with you more.

I knew a little about your mother's passing and that you were closer, but I did not know it was due to a brain tumor. I'm so sorry for your loss but I thank you for understanding and all the support you have for my father and his current battle.

Trust me, I've been harping on my mother to remember to take care of herself too. She's the one that will wear herself out worrying about everyone else before herself and I can tell when it stresses her out to the point where it's not healthy anymore. I told her about the Hope Cancer Resources that you suggested and she will look into it! Thank you for the suggestion!

And thank you for everything--offering to be there to help us out if we need it, the kind words, everything! I had no idea you worked for the University for 7 years! I am really enjoying it so far. :) Big hugs back!

Nadeen link
12/19/2014 11:51:56 am

So sorry to hear about your father. I hope you all have a good Christmas. Cancer does suck. I lost my Grandparents and Mother to it. But you must be optimistic and enjoy every moment with him and all your loved ones.

christina orso link
1/21/2015 11:46:17 am

aw, honey, i am so sorry to hear your family is dealing with this. i will keep you in my prayers. you're very brave to share this with your readers, and i'm sure you have so much support and are in many a prayer each night. so good to hear about the insurance coverage too. that's got to be a huge relief. keep your head up little one! xo


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    enticing healthy Eating

    Happiness is Homemade

    Hi there!  I'm Kaylin, a foodie, health nut, and recent college graduate. Born and raised in Arkansas, recently moved to Texas. On this blog you'll find a lot of tasty food and recipe ideas, healthy lifestyle suggestions, and random musings of my trials and tribulations of a 20-something. 
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